i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
