he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
