I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
