He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
