So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
