her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
