i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
tell me about the eggs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
