"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
