I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
