you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
