Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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