yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
