Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
