Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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