i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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