Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize