even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
