sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
