I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
