I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
