Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
