So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
