jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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