do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
