hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
