Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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