youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he fucked my hip out of place.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
