I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
