Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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