I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
