Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
