come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
