never play flip cup with pint glasses
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
