You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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