You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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