K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My penis needs a shock collar
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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