Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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