I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Bring me that man meat
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
