your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
