You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
