Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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