she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
