i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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