When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
