people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I party with great urgency now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
