Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
