Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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