nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
