So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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