good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
