The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
