he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
