Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
