So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
