all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
