Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
