and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
