She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
