Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
