1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize