i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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