It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
