i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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