She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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