Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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