he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
