Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
