Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
