I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
