I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
