yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
