I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
