At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
